Healing and Growth Require Intentional Connection

November turns up my gratitude—and my honesty. I’ve lived long enough to know life rarely stays in straight lines. I began in civil engineering in Sierra Leone, immigrated to the U.S., taught special education during a recession, returned to engineering, took losses in real estate, and rebuilt again through digital business. Most recently, I moved from the Bay Area/Silicon Valley to Sacramento. New city. New rhythms. New church pew. Being new can feel like a big deal—or not—depending on your perspective. I’m choosing curiosity, service, and open hands.

Last weekend reminded me why relationships matter. Our community honored David, a local server who’s helped countless residents. We gathered to celebrate him and support his trip home to marry the woman he loves. Standing there as the “new guy,” I felt the warmth of a close-knit town—and I thought about the people who made room for me in earlier chapters too: mentors like the late James Martell who taught integrity first, and the church communities that practiced welcome, not just words. Those graces are the reason I keep rebuilding, reconnecting, and reaching out.

If you’re coming out of a major shift—career, city, calling, health—you may look around and realize some relationships feel distant. That’s normal. Restoration is possible, but it asks something of us: patience, communication, and grace.

“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” — Ephesians 4:3

What you might be feeling

🛑 You’ve changed, but you’re unsure how to reconnect with people from your past.
🛑 Some relationships feel strained or awkward after the transition.
🛑 You wonder if closeness can be rebuilt—or if it’s time to release it.

Truth to stand on: Relationships can be renewed. Not all will return to what they were—but with God’s help, many can become truer than before.

Why Rebuilding Is Worth It

• It strengthens emotional and spiritual bonds. Healing fosters growth in both directions.

• It creates new understanding. Honest conversations deepen respect.

• It reflects God’s grace. Reconciliation mirrors the way He loves us.

Biblical lens — The Prodigal Son:
A son returns with a messy story; the father runs to meet him. Restoration begins with compassion and a willing heart.

“While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion.” — Luke 15:20

Winston’s take (plain talk)

When your life changes, your relational map changes. Some friends won’t know where to put the “new you.” Don’t take that as rejection. Take it as an invitation to re-introduce yourself—with humility, clarity, and consistent follow-through. The people meant for your next chapter will recognize you.

5 Steps to Rebuild Relationships After a Major Life Shift

1️⃣ Name who matters now.
Make a short list—family, friends, colleagues, mentors—you genuinely want to reconnect with.

2️⃣ Go first with clarity and humility.
“Here’s what changed, here’s why, and here’s how I hope we can stay connected.”

3️⃣ Center forgiveness.
Release old offenses and misunderstandings. Forgiveness makes space for new conversation.

4️⃣ Ask God to guide the process.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” — Proverbs 3:5

5️⃣ Carry a verse into every conversation.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” — Ephesians 4:2

How to Rebuild with Grace (Winston-style scripts)

• The re-introduction (text/email):
  “Hey ____, I’ve been thinking about you. I’ve had some big changes—moved to Sacramento and started a new chapter. I value our relationship and would love to catch up when you’re free.”

• Owning your part:
  “If I’ve gone quiet or been hard to reach, that’s on me. I’m sorry. I’d like to reset and be more intentional.”

• Setting simple on-ramps:
  “Could we pick a monthly check-in call? Or meet once this month for coffee? I want to rebuild this well.”

• When there’s tension:
  “Some things went sideways between us. I’d like to understand your perspective. I’m open to making it right.”

Practical Ways to Reconnect (especially in a new city)

• Take the first step. Don’t wait. Send the text. Make the call.

• Join and serve. Church teams, volunteer projects, community meetups—show up consistently.

• Listen more than you speak. Treat conversations like bridges, not debates.

• Give relationships time. Trust rebuilds in repetitions, not declarations.

• Pray for restoration. Ask God to soften hearts, align timing, and knit things back together.

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” — Romans 12:18

A quick “relationship inventory” for this week

• 3 people to appreciate (send a specific thank-you).

• 2 people to re-introduce yourself to (share your update).

• 1 person to reconcile with (own your part, invite repair).

Your Turn (today): Choose one name and reach out. Keep it simple and sincere.

Want more faith-driven strategies on healing and connection?
Subscribe to Rekindle Weekly—we’re walking this together all November.

P.S.

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About the Author

Winston Cole isn’t a 20-year-old guru promising overnight wins. He’s a 50+ educator-engineer who taught by day, studied funnels by night, and rebuilt after losing it all. Immigrated from Sierra Leone 35 years ago with a travel bag and a few dollars, married 37 years, faith-first and family-focused—Winston helps midlife professionals and educators reinvent with integrity, community, and practical systems. If he found freedom in midlife, you can too.