When Your Family Doesn't Understand Your Calling (And What to Do About It)

I've never been good at staying in one lane.

Some call it "shiny object syndrome." I call it following where God leads—even when it doesn't make sense to anyone else. 

I've changed directions more than once. Engineering to teaching. Teaching back to business. Rebuilding after devastating losses. Moving from Silicon Valley to Sacramento at 50+. Each pivot came with a chorus of concerned voices from people I love deeply.

 I've learned something profound through it all: You can honor your family while obeying God. That tension? It's often holy ground.

If you've ever felt torn between pleasing the people you love and pursuing the calling God placed on your heart, this message is for you.

 What You Might Be Feeling Right Now

🛑 Pressure to follow a path that doesn't fit your calling

They want you to stay in the "safe" job, the predictable career, the traditional route. But your spirit knows there's something more.

🛑 Guilt or fear of disappointing loved ones

You don't want to hurt them. You don't want to be seen as reckless or ungrateful. But you also can't ignore what God is stirring in you.

🛑 A desire for support—while knowing you must stay true 

You wish they could see what you see. You wish they'd cheer you on. But deep down, you know this is between you and God.

The Truth You Need to Stand On

Your purpose is God-given and personal. 

Not everyone will understand it—and that's okay.

Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?… If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10

Read that again. Let it sink in.

You don't need family approval for your calling.  It requires obedience.

 Why It's Okay to Break Free from Expectations

God's Plan for You Is Specific

You're not called to live someone else's dream—not even your parents' dream. God designed you with unique gifts, experiences, and assignments. What looks like a detour to them might be divine direction to you.

 Purpose Can Be Misunderstood

Even Jesus' family struggled to understand His mission. They thought He was out of His mind (Mark 3:21). His own brothers didn't believe in Him (John 7:5). If the Son of God faced family skepticism, why would we expect anything different?

Obedience Brings Peace

Approval-chasing breeds frustration and confusion. But when you surrender to God's call—even when it's misunderstood—you experience a peace that transcends circumstances. That's the peace you're longing for.

Biblical Lens: Jesus & Family Pressures

Even His own brothers did not believe in Him." — John 7:5

Jesus didn't let family doubt derail His mission. He loved them deeply. He honored them. But He stayed obedient to the Father.

That's your model: Love people. Follow God.

5 Steps to Handle Family Expectations with Grace

1. Discern Your Assignment

Before you can communicate clearly with others, you need clarity yourself.

Ask yourself:

- What is God calling me to do—independent of anyone else's opinion? 

- Have I prayed about this regularly?  

- Do I have peace about this direction? 

- Am I moving forward or just avoiding discomfort?

Action step: Spend 30 minutes in prayer and journaling. Write down what you believe God is asking you to do. Be specific.

 2. Communicate Calmly and Clearly

Once you have clarity, share it with your family—but do it wisely.

Share three things:

The why: "I believe God is calling me to..." 

The what: "Here's what that looks like practically..." 

The boundaries: "I'm not asking for permission, but I'd love your support."

What NOT to do:

- Don't be defensive or combative 

- Don't over-explain or justify excessively 

- Don't make it about them ("You never supported me...")

Remember: You're informing them, not convincing them.

 3. Set Healthy Limits

Your future is yours to steward. You're accountable to God first.

"No" can be a loving word.

If family members continue to pressure, criticize, or undermine your decision, you have permission to set boundaries:

- "I appreciate your concern, but I'm not open to debating this decision." 

- "Let's agree to disagree and focus on what we do have in common." 

- "I need some space to pursue this without constant input. I'll update you when there's something to share."

No disrespect intended.  It's stewardship.

4. Trust God When You're Misunderstood

This is the hardest part. You want them to get it. You want them to celebrate with you. But they might not—at least not yet.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding."

 Proverbs 3:5

When you feel alone:

- Remember, God sees what they don't 

- Remember, obedience is your job; outcomes are His 

- Remember, many biblical heroes were misunderstood by their families (Joseph, David, Paul)

You're in good company.

5. Anchor in Scripture

When family pressure intensifies, return to God's Word. Let these truths steady you:

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans."* 

— Proverbs 16:3

"The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe." 

 Proverbs 29:25

"If God is for us, who can be against us?" 

Romans 8:31

Write these verses on index cards. Put them where you'll see them daily.

Winston-Style Scripts (Respectful + Firm)

 Use these word-for-word when you need to communicate with grace and strength:

The Update:

"I love you, and I value your input. I've prayed this through, and I'm moving forward with [decision]. I hope you'll support me, but I'm committed either way."

The Boundary:

"I'm not discussing this decision further right now. Let's focus on staying connected while I build the next step."

The Empathy:

"I know this isn't the path you imagined for me. Thank you for caring. I'll keep you posted as things develop."

The Redirect:

"I hear your concerns. I've considered them. But I believe God is leading me in this direction, and I need to be obedient to that."

 The Invitation:

"I'd love for you to be part of this journey, even if you don't fully understand it yet. Can we find a way to stay close while I pursue this?"

How to Stay True Without Resentment

Family tension can breed bitterness if you're not careful. Here's how to protect your heart while pursuing your calling:

Pray for Wisdom and Strength

Ask God to give you: 

- Clarity in your calling 

- Patience with your family 

- Wisdom in your words 

- Strength to stand firm 

- Grace to love well

Honor Respectfully While Holding Your Line

You can honor your family without obeying their preferences.

Honor looks like:

- Speaking respectfully 

- Listening to their concerns 

- Acknowledging their love and care 

- Keeping them informed (when appropriate)

Honor doesn't mean: 

- Abandoning your calling 

- Letting them control your decisions 

- Sacrificing obedience for approval

Find Mentors and Friends Who Get Your Calling

You need people in your corner who understand what God is doing in your life.

Seek out: 

- A mentor who's walked a similar path 

- Friends who encourage your faith and calling 

- A community that celebrates obedience over conformity

You don't have to do this alone.

Give Time Room to Work

Many relatives realize this much later—often after several years.

Joseph's brothers didn't understand until he saved their lives.

David's family doubted him until he became king. 

Jesus' brothers didn't believe until after the resurrection.

Your family may not see it now. But God is faithful. Trust His timing.

 Your Turn (Today)

Here's your assignment:

Step 1: Write one sentence that captures your calling in this season.

Examples: 

- "I'm called to help midlife professionals build online income with integrity." 

- "I'm called to leave corporate and start a ministry serving single moms." 

- "I'm called to pursue creative work, even if it means less income initially."

Step 2: Share it with one loved one—kindly and confidently.

You don't need their permission. But you can invite them into the journey.

A Final Word from Winston

I won't lie to you—following God's call when your family doesn't understand is hard.

There were nights I questioned myself. Moments I wondered if I was being foolish or selfish. Times I wished my family could see what I saw.

But here's what I know now: Obedience always leads to peace. Not always to immediate success. Not always to applause. But to a deep, unshakable peace that comes from knowing you're walking in your assignment.

Your family's approval is a gift—but it's not a requirement.

God's approval is enough.

Stand firm. Love well. Trust God.

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About the Author

Winston Cole isn't a 20-year-old guru promising overnight wins.

He's a 50+ educator-engineer who taught by day, studied funnels by night, and rebuilt after losing it all. Immigrated from Sierra Leone 35 years ago with a travel bag and a few dollars. Married for 37 years.  Faith-first and family-focused.

Winston helps midlife professionals and educators reinvent with integrity, community, and practical systems.

If he found freedom in midlife, you can too.

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 Let's build a community of people who honor family while obeying God.

P.S. — A Prayer for You

"Father, give [reader's name] clarity in their calling. Strengthen them to stand firm when misunderstood. Soften the hearts of their family members. And remind them daily that Your approval is all they need. In Jesus' name, Amen."

Tomorrow's Edition: How to Build Confidence When Starting Over After 40

Stay tuned.